Me: Dad, my lips are so dry and cracked they’re killing me.

Big Dan: “Apply bacon grease and stay away from dogs.” = gold

What the hell is going on here? Did someone drive into a canal? Were they so morose about the fact that the nearest Puma Store is 100 miles away that they decided to end it all?

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Punctuation is what separates us from the monkeys. Clearly, monkeys created this ad: Monkeys that work for Puma.

Original Link: copyranter

In the same vein as Mel Gibson’s anti-Semitic DUI blowup, Michael Richards, aka Seinfeld’s “Kramer” has chosen to join the bigot ranks. The performer, I’m sure now just days away from “rehab,” was on-stage in LA when he turned friendly heckling into a racist shout match. Don’t watch if you’re easily upset by the N word. It’s horrifying.

UPDATE: I just read that Richards was the original audience member tossed with water in the Andy Kaufman act. I don’t know if this is a Man on the Moon stunt but it seems grossly unnecessary. Thoughts?

In answer to the previous question, yes, I did want to watch The Fifth Element. And Christiana from Hey, Want to Watch a Movie? was nice enough to give me a chance to do just that this weekend. I had a great time and stayed up until the wee morning hours providing commentary on one of my favorite films. Check out the podcast and let me know how I did.

Stella Artois is not a Czech Beer
Originally uploaded by borderline.Stella Artois is now available at my local ghetto grocery store. Maybe the clerks have been listening to Borderline? Either that or the hipster quotient in the neighborhood has finally reached the point where Stella needs to be on hand at all times.

My verdict: meh. It really didn’t make that much of an impression on me. I await your hate mail on the subject.

Dear Sir or Madam,

We noticed the little gem you left on our ONE WAY – DO NOT ENTER sign last night, and after closer inspection I can safely say you are undoubtedly the world’s worst graffiti artist.

Your childish attempts at this urban art form are ridiculous. How am I supposed to take you and your “posse” seriously if you tag with a red Crayola marker? It’s not permanent, you idiot! Using my spit, a little bit of Scrubbing Bubbles and 5 minutes of mild exertion, I was able to wipe off EDZ 402ne or whatever you were writing. So please, stop the tagging – you’re only embarrassing yourself.

Drinkin’ in Lincoln
BY MARK ANDERSEN / Lincoln Journal Star

Lincoln’s rate is the fourth worst in the nation. Binge drinking – drinking to get drunk – is worse here than in Madison, Wis.; Las Vegas or Minneapolis.

Worse than Vegas? Really? I’m so proud.

from CNN.com:

Porn broadcast stuns news viewers

STOCKHOLM, Sweden (AP) — Sweden’s state broadcaster SVT on Monday faced ridicule for mistakenly showing a porn movie in the background of a news broadcast over the weekend.

Viewers of a 5-minute news update at midnight Saturday could see explicit scenes from a Czech porn movie on a TV screen behind news anchor Peter Dahlgren.

The monitor — one of many on the wall of a control room visible behind the studio — normally shows other news channels during broadcasts.

But staffers who earlier in the evening had watched a sports event on cable channel Canal Plus — which often shows X-rated films after midnight — had forgotten to switch it back, said news director Per Yng.

Imagine if that happened on The Situation Room… I think poor Wolf Blitzer would have a heart attack

as seen on Slate today:

SUVs for Hippies? Hummer courts the tofu set.
By Seth Stevenson

While the vehicles have grown less imposing over time, the brand’s reputation hasn’t quite kept pace. According to Hummer spokeswoman Dayna Hart, there was a sense among Hummer’s marketing brain trust that the brand felt “expensive, too big, and out of reach” for many consumers. What’s more, recent Hummer ads have been a little lofty: They’ve featured cool visuals of the trucks romping through dramatic landscapes but have lacked everyday scenes of people enjoying their Hummers.

Enter this new H3 ad, which tries to make the brand feel a bit less intimidating. It shows an ordinary dude (and not, say, Arnold Schwarzenegger) going to a Hummer dealership, making a purchase, and driving out in a new truck. Which may seem basic, but showing the transaction (and portraying it as lightning-quick and painless—the guy points at a Hummer on the showroom floor, and a moment later he’s the proud owner) helps make the H3 seem more like a realistic option and less like a blingtastic pipe dream. And the text that appears at the end of the ad touts the truck’s 20-miles-per-gallon performance and its $29,500 price tag, which further drags the brand back toward the sphere of affordability and normalcy.

Hart says the spot aims to make the H3 a more “approachable vehicle that will appeal to introverts, extroverts, vegans, and carnivores.” She’s right that we wouldn’t expect a tofu eater to buy a Hummer. But at the same time, the spot reinforces the central, classic stereotype about Hummer drivers: They buy big cars because they have small … egos.

Read More

I just found out that my roommate wants to move out on his own after our lease is up next month. So I am going to make a list of the positives b/c anyone who knows me understands that I’m not a live-aloner and am finding my already heading towards danger panic zone #1.

• I gave up almost all my furniture when I moved to Denver, so my living room will only be populated by a TV on a dressed and an overstuffed chair.
• I have the opportunity to find somewhere with a balcony – a major necessity.
• Maybe I’ll have an apartment and the kitchen will actually be big enough to fit glasses and pots in the cupboards.
• I can take baths as much as I want.
• Naked time
• My kitchen, my way.

That’s all I got, I’m stressed out. It’ll be fine. I will be 26 month. On the other hand the new Animaniacs DVD is #1 on my gift wish list. *sigh*