Dear Sir or Madam,

We noticed the little gem you left on our ONE WAY - DO NOT ENTER sign last night, and after closer inspection I can safely say you are undoubtedly the world’s worst graffiti artist.

Your childish attempts at this urban art form are ridiculous. How am I supposed to take you and your “posse” seriously if you tag with a red Crayola marker? It’s not permanent, you idiot! Using my spit, a little bit of Scrubbing Bubbles and 5 minutes of mild exertion, I was able to wipe off EDZ 402ne or whatever you were writing. So please, stop the tagging - you’re only embarrassing yourself.