Borderline #84 - 5/11/08
Just when you thought we went to a biannual schedule, here’s a new Borderline to mess with your mind. It’s totally fun and ugly!
• Intro: Mix up some Borderline for your next party.
• Danni has a new addiction: mousse.
• Lynn prepares for battle with the Italian gypsies.
• Urban Wildlife Encounters: Neil tangles with a raven in the living room.
Break music is by Loveless “Beautiful”
• Lynn’s Hot Boob Sweat Celebrity Gossip: La Lohan will steal the shirt off your back; Dina Lohan = Mother of the Year? Sources say not likely; Kirsten Dunst falls off the wAAgon; Kate Hudson & Owen Wilson engaged; George Clooney sexually harassed by Roseanne; John Mayer canoodling with Jennifer Aniston - Borderline says, “Wha the?”
Break music is by Eagle Seagull “Photograph”
• Fun and Ugly Photo Contest: congratulations to our winner Kevin from Radio Filibuster! And thank you to everyone who submitted a photo.
• In our excited state after learning that MST3K The Movie is being re-released, we forgot to decide on the next photo contest theme. Got a theme to suggest? Drop us an email!
Listen to Episode #84
(MP3) 20.5 MB
May 14th, 2008 at 9:19 pm
Nice work on the Eagle Seagull music choice, Watson! Lincoln - represent! Haven’t listened to the show yet…. I’m sure it is great. I just saw the music choice in the notes and got excited. That is all.
May 15th, 2008 at 10:53 am
http://www.onebag.com/checklist.html
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=90297199
To prove my point yet again that I’m being stalked by Michelle Norris, they’ve posted a show about packing light.
May 16th, 2008 at 4:54 pm
I am kind of like Britney. I’m not allowed around children. I often smell of drink. I look killer in a school girl uniform. I often go on vacation with Mel Gibson…oh Mel, your views on our Jewish friends are so enlightened and entertaining. Make another Lethal Weapon.
May 18th, 2008 at 7:28 am
Dig - when on vay-cay with Mel, do you ever say, “Hey Mel Gibson - I’m talking to you!” I’d highly recommend it.
May 18th, 2008 at 10:41 pm
…then I would lock him in a room and make him watch Mad Max for 48 hours non-stop…while sober. Have you seen these pics of him ripped at AA meetings getting his pic taken with hot young alcoholics…not anonymously, apparently. That’s straight up class bitches. Dig does look killer in a school girl outfit, much like Michael Myers.
May 19th, 2008 at 9:32 am
Seeing how I just got back from a vacation in London about 3 weeks ago I have felt your pain with the exchange rate tho the Pound is worse. (1 UKP = $2.20 USD)But I do have the packing tips for you.
Packing tips for Lynn:
1) Don’t pack things you can buy there. I didn’t pack shampoo, toothpaste, and other sundries and the first place I stopped after getting there was The Body Shop and Boots (An apothecary, aka Pharmacy). Unless there is something very specific you need and can only get in the US, buy what you need.
2) Wear comfortable slip on shoes to the airport. You will have to take them off for the security check so make sure they are more like slippers. Also, don;t pack a lot of shoes. You are going to Italy so buy new ones.
3) Buy/bring an extra empty suitcase for the trip back. You will get gifts and such while you are there which you can either have shipped back or need to go some where. Half packing a bag that will be filled with gifts is a way to avoid the shipping charges.
4) If you know where you are staying, ship items ahead of time. Lets say you HAVE to have 30 pairs of shoes for the week for whatever reason. Box them up and ship them to your hotel a week in advance. They will be waiting for you when you get there and you can ship them back at the end of the vacation.
5) In Italy, you have to relax. They are so laid back that you need to go with the flow and not fight it. Be on vacation and take things as they come.
6) Remember you are on vacation so if you are dieting, forget it. Vacations are diet free times because most people will end up walking 2-3 times more than they normally do. So you can fudge and have fun.
May 20th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
Just a few things I would add:
1) Beware purchasing toothpaste in foreign countries. Some have unique flavors and/or ingredients of questionable health benefit. Of course, this is coming from someone who frequently gets sent to the Philippines. South central Europe: probably safe. Far East: maybe not so much.
2) Beware of the “gringo tax”. In many countries it appears the locals like to charge extra to pasty white Americans with presumably fat wallets. In Costa Rica we were frequently charged double for meals and products, something which I have been calling the “gringo tax”.
3) Per a questionable website I just visited, a fear of gypsies is called “romaphobia”.
May 21st, 2008 at 1:07 am
Yay! Thanks guys! We have the best listeners!
Thanks to all your awesome tips, I’ve quasi-successfully packed everything into ONE suitcase and 1.5 carry on bags. If they lose the main suitcase, I have enough clothes for a few days. After that, I will employ Borderline’s “Pants Optional” plan.
How was London, Greg? What did you do while you were there? Is the London bridge still burning down? It seems like that has been going on for years.
Kevin- remember that the “gringo tax” is always outdone by “I punch you in the face” tax… not to be confused with the “I drink your milkshake” tax.
Okay- even I don’t know what I am talking about anymore.
And on that note- I am off to Europe! I will miss you all… except our listeners in Europe, who I will now miss less because I will be closer. It might not be needed, but I think that is good reason for Digby to break out the school girl uniform!
Stay tuned for updates…. hopefully.
May 21st, 2008 at 9:36 am
I like the general concept of the “I punch you in the face” tax, especially for those who close the transaction by calling you a “gringo blanco” as you leave… except that it is my understanding foreign prisons are very much unlike five star hotels. The only difference, naturally, is Costa Rica, where they literally converted one of their prisons into a children’s museum.
May 21st, 2008 at 5:13 pm
I bet Costa Rican children are v. well behaved. “Stop hitting your brother or we’re going to take a trip to the children’s museum!”
On a sadder note, Lynn has left the county. That is all.
May 22nd, 2008 at 9:52 am
London was INCREDIBLE. Actually we did London and a day trip to Cardiff. For the full recap with pictures, check out my travel-blog and find out why I spent $50USD on just tickets to go to the movies. (Yea, that’s not a joke)
http://kazama.livejournal.com/tag/london
Oh, and London Bridge is fine and well. I keep trying to see it falling down too but it never happens. Go fig. Luckily I didn’t need to employ the “pants optional” rule because BA didn’t start loosing luggage until the week after we were there in Terminal 5.
Oh, and isn’t buying foreign toothpaste more of an adventure than something to be avoided? I mean, show doesn’t like kumquat flavored toothpaste?
May 22nd, 2008 at 12:24 pm
Surprisingly, the Philippines seems to be lacking in kumquat-flavored toothpaste. They seem to enjoy flavors like “spice”, “lemon”, and “apple-mint fresh”. All of these I found disguised in seemingly harmless Colgate tubes. All of them were also subbranded using the term “Fresh Confidence”, which personally I think would be better applied toward a feminine product. Ditto for Operation “Enduring Freedom”.
May 25th, 2008 at 6:54 am
The Body Shop is an assault on the sense…a brutal assault. I wouldn’t go near that hippy haven.
Funny story, though it my be an urban myth about, London Bridge coming up…the one that I know.
An oil rich Texan visited London and saw a beautiful bridge that was a stunning example of architectural flair. He found it so amazing that he got onto his financial managers and told them to make preparations to buy London Bridge and have it deconstructed and shipped to the States. This they did and the Texan continued his vacation.
Once home he went to view the reconstruction of the bridge. It wasn’t the one he saw. it wasn’t the splendid erection he wanted.
It was in fact London Bridge though. The one he saw in London was actually Tower Bridge. He found it so majestic that he assumed that it could only have been called London Bridge and didn’t bother to check.
Now I have retold the tale with the information I have, I shall go fact hunting…read as Wikipedia and snopes.com
Wait there (baited breath optional)
May 25th, 2008 at 6:56 am
On 18 April 1968, Rennie’s bridge was sold to the American entrepreneur Robert P. McCulloch of McCulloch Oil for US$2,460,000. A popular urban legend is that he believed mistakenly that he was buying the more impressive Tower Bridge, although McCulloch denied this.[7] As the bridge was disassembled, each piece was numbered to aid reassembly and those markings can still be seen today. The bridge was reconstructed at Lake Havasu City, Arizona and re-dedicated on October 10, 1971. The reconstruction of Rennie’s London Bridge spans a man-made canal that leads from Lake Havasu to Thomson Bay, and forms the centrepiece of a theme park in English style, complete with mock-Tudor shopping mall. Rennie’s London Bridge has become Arizona’s second-biggest tourist attraction, after the Grand Canyon.
The rebuilt London Bridge in Lake Havasu City, Arizona
The rebuilt London Bridge in Lake Havasu City, Arizona
The version of London Bridge that was rebuilt at Lake Havasu consists of a concrete frame with stones from the Old London Bridge used as cladding. Not all of the bridge was transported to America, as some was kept behind in lieu of tax duties. The remaining stone was left at Merrivale Quarry on Dartmoor in Devon, so a large part of Rennie’s bridge never left the UK. [8] When Merrivale Quarry was abandoned and flooded in 2003, some of the remaining stones were sold in an online auction. [9] - Wiki-wiki-wa-wa-pedia.org
So apart from a few small factual errors :o) it seems like a plausible story, only defended by a denial. Interesting.
May 25th, 2008 at 7:07 am
BTW…I don’t need to find an excuse to put on the School uniform…bu this time I will wear the hemline a little higher than usual, just for you Lynn. Hopefully the hormone fueled Lotharios of Italy will sense the overwhelming sex wave that it causes, in the ether. You should be able to measure their response and know that is a gift from me.
Happy Travels LynnBot
May 27th, 2008 at 11:12 am
Digby - I dub thee Borderline’s official researcher. I am highly impressed by your fact-finding mission re: London Bridge. Sadly, it’s often hard for rich Texans to buy a “splendid erection.”
Lynn sent an e-mail just after she arrived. She hadn’t encountered any gypsies, but was massively jetlagged. And that’s all I knows - no news is good news, right?
May 27th, 2008 at 12:16 pm
I am assuming that Lynnie is working her way through swarthy Italian towel boys, fine art and a good portion of Europe’s wine. Digby should TOTALLY be our research person, since he likes to correct me anyway this works out just fine. lol
Do you think that the snow globes in Italy are filled with olive oil?
May 28th, 2008 at 7:57 am
Oh Digby, you armchair stud you- another fantastic & interminable tome to impress our american friends, but if you could refrain from talking about your DICK when I’m eating a sandwhich that would grand. Much obliged!
It appears that Britney Spears is a synonym for… Miss piggy-far cooler. Tell them all about Bucking-Ham palace too when you get a minute.
Did you get a picture of the raven Neil? I would have soiled myself too if I saw that. It’s really your pet though is’nt it- Damian prince of darkness is your other hobby along with bingo. Can’t fool me my friend.
Last I heard Danni, LBird was moussing up the abundant pit hair of the Sorrento women because they’re worth it. Agreed, so much more managable that way.
I’ll lend her my recorder if she wants to record something on how tall & pointy the Eiffel tower is. Tall & pointy? Oo-er missus, sounds a bit like..um… a willie that! Harumph Harumph titter.
May 28th, 2008 at 11:17 am
Ant - sup sup. I have to be honest, I don’t understand half of your post. I think it might be in English and if I’ve proven anything - I speak American Danniese and not much else. lol. Do I smell burnt toast…? I am missing my Lynnie but amusing myself by leaving copious unimportant voice mails on her cellie. This morning for instance, I recited lines from one of our fav episodes of Spongebob. Good times. “The trash flinging, the rash singing, the flash brining… THE HASH SLINGING SLASHER!” No worries, when Digby and I conquer Western Europe I will insist he wear pants. And also a bottle of whiskey strapped to his waist like a gun slinger to pour me shots at any given moment. He is out working but I’ll assume, until he is again online, that he agrees. :o)
I think we should totally get some Paris audio action from Lynnie. Are French snow globes filled with wine? I spoke in French with a Moroccan waiter the other night and I think I totally said, “He is becoming from Casablanca” instead of “He comes from Casablanca” and I felt ashamed later. Comment dit-on en Francais, “Your momma swims out to meet the sailors.” ?
May 29th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
There are so many things wrong with this news story, I just had to share. Sorry it isn’t Nebraskan news… but these sorts of things only happen in Flor-i-dah-doo-dah-day.
–
Nude maid swipes $40,000
Last updated on: 5/28/2008 7:34:32 AM by The Associated Press
TAMPA: A nude maid cleaned up good at a Florida man’s home. The Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Office says the maid stole more than $40,000 from a Cheval home despite not wearing any clothes.
The 50-year-old man hired the maid from the Internet on Friday to clean his suburban Tampa home.
Authorities say the woman arrived at the home in a one-piece, light colored dress. She took off the dress and cleaned the house for $100-per-hour.
Sheriff’s office spokeswoman Debbie Carter says the man told deputies he left the maid alone in the bedroom to clean.
When the man’s wife came home from vacation, she discovered $40,000 in jewelry missing from their bedroom.
Police are investigating.
May 29th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
Um, where the fark did she hide it? :o( I would not want that jewelry back.
I just wanted to (brag) update you that Lynnie emailed me just now! Here is an edited excerpt:
“We hiked up to the to of the Island of Capri (an hour hike each way) where the ruins of Tiberius are at the top. They date back to 14 AD. I cannot believe that anything that old is still in existence. Anyhoo - it was hotter than f*ck and the hike was all up the mountain. It was worth it, but I didn’t drink enough water. Nobody in our tour group drinks the local water because they are afraid of getting sick (which I had only heard of in Florence) It is a big change of pace to have to carry a bottle of water with you at all times. It is also expensive! (a can of Diet Coke is 3 Euros = how do these people live?!*)…Tomorrow we are on to Rome. We will be there for four days… Tuscany and Sorrento/Capri are my favorite so far.”
*I would estimate this means at home Lynn would drink about 140 Euros worth of Diet Coke. A month.
May 29th, 2008 at 4:25 pm
D-Money…I agree with you. Always. I fear all other options.
May 29th, 2008 at 4:27 pm
Gypsies are known to steal the ’sense of time’ from people…maybe that is why Lynn is jetlagged. Poor Lynn.
May 29th, 2008 at 4:54 pm
I am pretty sure I’m constantly followed by gypsies b/c I have no sense of direction ever. I got lost in a Hyatt elevator today.
Dig - best - answer - ever. :o)
May 30th, 2008 at 2:39 pm
Cheers D-Bag, I am rocking the comment page this episode.
I want things to research.
May 30th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
BTW, if you ever meet an Irish Gypsy, refer to them as “A pikey” they absolutely will not slice you up.
May 30th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
I’ve just realised I have been terribly impolite…not about pikeys, anyway, I don’t care, they won’t have internet access.
I mean I didn’t even thank Neil for his kind comment…Thank you…much better. Balance is restored to the universe.
May 30th, 2008 at 2:54 pm
Okay, for reals I need another nickname than “D-Bag” or I may kick you in the N-ads. Here’s what you need to research, wtf burned down 50’s house?!?! Also how in the hell do they make pantyhose? It’s been plaguing me all week. Do they weave it, do they put it in a mold, how?!?
May 30th, 2008 at 3:16 pm
No problemo, Freaky-D.
I arsonated fiddy’s house because I shot him 9 times and it didn’t work. It was either that or smack the little bitch in the chops and frankly, I didn’t want to embarrass him.
Pantyhose have a very complicated manufacturing process. First of all you must find a midget. A dwarf will not do, it must be a midget. Woe betide you if you try and use a Dwarf! The midget should have their lower half dipped in molten wax. The wax should be allowed to cool and solidify and this process should be repeated a further 3 times. I think the reason for this is self evident so I need not delve into further detail.
At this point, the spiders are released. The spiders use their numerous legs to tickle the diminutive one until she is red in the face (as we all know, midgets are only available with vaginas).
No the real crutch of the process gears up. Enter Chico, a 13 year old matador from Venezuela. When he is not killing bulls and looking swarthy, he teaches squirrels to knit. Due to the common Grey Squirrels, or Sciurus carolinensi, small hands, the knitting needles and yarn must be very small. This aids the super tight weave of a pair of panthose. The Squirrels naturally revert to knitting items in the shape of pantyhoses as they are unable to follow patterns or instructions of even the most simple scarf, though somehow, they manage to loosely replicate the lower half a wax covered midget.
Any more questions?
I should be a teacher.
May 30th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
I knew it!
On the subject of squirrels a pest control person is coming to set traps. Don’t worry, its humane and they release them somewhere else. They’re literally tearing the house apart. The constant sound of sawing is maddening. Perhaps they just need to learn to knit with all that energy.
May 30th, 2008 at 3:35 pm
I hear they take them to see Chico…he rehabilitates them. Good old Chico. He doesn’t like Bulls though!
May 30th, 2008 at 3:40 pm
She who roller blades does so with the devil.
May 30th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
lol. Skates this week: 1. Times wrecked: 2. body parts injured: 140. I have to reset my sign, “It has been TWO days since an accident.” it hurts to pick up a pen.
May 30th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
Feet should not have wheels. Basic physiology.
May 31st, 2008 at 8:04 pm
Idea for new photo competition. “Drunk and Disorderly”
As I haf just thought of this, and seeing as other submitters have taken to doing so, I will go against my natural reasoning an submit something from google images, seeing as I can’t be bothered getting so drunk that I am in a great amount of disorder. Difficult to believe.
June 3rd, 2008 at 9:29 am
Do we need permission to post photos of others for any “Drunk and Disorderly” competition?
I can’t say I have any of myself. For one, it’s difficult to hold a camera in this condition.
June 3rd, 2008 at 9:58 am
I would imagine that there are enough pics of me alone to fill this entire competition. lol. Flash back to Danni Podcast Expo numero 1. btw, Lynnie gets to Paris today…I will give updates as it becomes available!
June 11th, 2008 at 7:24 pm
I humbly offer this: Great Show. Unfortunately, if you’re going to continue to use the phrase “hot boob sweat”, I’m going to have to discontinue my patronage of the program. It’s not good for my sobriety, Daniel Baldwin-style. If you don’t understand, check out Celebrity Rehab.
June 12th, 2008 at 7:43 am
Ha! Hot Boob Sweat…I’m so going to work that phrase into a conversation today.
June 12th, 2008 at 8:37 am
People judge you by the words you use. I already have increased my word power by adding lots of Borderline words and phrases into my everyday lexicon. In doing so I have avoided messy and unnecessary job promotions that would bring me one step closer to uttering mindless cliches such as “it is what it is” and “at the end of the day”.
Thank you, Borderline, for the hot boob sweat… and for saving me from the bureaucratic corporate abyss.
June 12th, 2008 at 8:43 am
Fiddy! AKA DC Tanya! It brings warmth and sunshine and happiness to my heart to see your name on the comments section!!!
Word of the day: Ridicadonk. Something that is so ridiculous it sounds like a librarian trying to talk street savvy. Ridicadonk.
June 12th, 2008 at 10:54 am
hehehe the first thing that comes to mind when I heard that (before reading the definition) was badonkadonk…so perhaps used in a sentence: “Peggy Sue! That’s ridicadonk, shut yo’ mouth or I’ll put a cap in your badonkadonk.” I’m developing a new dialect here: Ghetto Fabulous Redneck.
Time to go dry my hot boob sweat–*smiles* from DC! -tanya