Borderline #82 - 3/3/08
Borderline is back for their biannual BINGO blowout! Try saying that five times fast…
• Intro: Borderline Bingo
• Neil shows Lynn a good time at the Bingo hall.
• Danni’s squirrelly house guest keeps her walls Swiffer clean.
Break music is by Jessy Moss “Sinkin Drinkin Fits”
• What We’z Drinkin’ Now - Lord Pepper’s Draught from Tony
Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper
Lord Calvert Canadian Whiskey
Break music is by Miss The Occupier “Girlfriend Go Crazy”
• Lynn’s Celebrity Gossip - Coming Attractions: The Love Guru, Iron Man, Step Brothers; Lynn’s Foo Fighters concert review.
Break music is by Axiom to Zeal “Situation”
• Congrats to Sir Digby for winning the Suspicious and Elated photo contest! This week: Fantastic and Terrifying.
• Political follies - Neil refuses to caucus; Lynn is lured to the caucus by donuts; Danni remains undecided.
Listen to Episode #82
(MP3) 21.1 MB
March 6th, 2008 at 8:17 pm
TEH AWESOME! I get my bi-annual fix of Borderline! With bingo! wh33h@!
It’s great to be able to eavesdrop on the conversations that go on with y’all, especially the ones who are still hanging out in the nations’s breadbasket…
I am very disappointed with the “Lynne’s Boobsweat Gossip”. I was expecting some hawt gossip… and got y’all mocking superhero movies. Maybe Lynne should meet with Danni-elle before the show to get the lowdown on the things that make me want those minutes of my life back…
I do sense that we have some content possibilities here. Let’s see what happens when we give Lynn-ie too much time and money. I might even pay to see that…
Okay.
I want to hear more content… get to work…
March 6th, 2008 at 8:18 pm
First!!! wh33h@!
March 7th, 2008 at 9:19 am
Jeebus craps Brad! Ouch! Hurtful much? We met the night before, Lynn’s Hot Boob Sweat celebrity gossip is awesome. Lynn a) is showing in San Francisco this week, we’re lucky to have gotten her on the show. and b) what you didn’t hear is that Lynn is totally unenthralled and hurt by Hollywood right now. And I - well, I have a problem. My name is Danni and I am addicted to gossip blogs.
March 9th, 2008 at 11:50 am
Ah, Brad P. is our best friend and harshest critic
BTW - I rec’d your text a few days ago but my stupid phone company wouldn’t let me respond. There was something funky with the network. Though I have to admit, for a second I turned around and thought “Brad, WTF!” and then I realized we weren’t at the Expo. Good times.
March 9th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
VICTORIOUS.
Despite the lack of fellow competitors I now bask in the glory of being the only person to take a photo of themselves and send it in…THAT MAKES ME A WINNER!
Lynn’s celebrity gossip was more of a “Things that are going to happen in make believe land later in the year that I will or will not be watching” but it was still very much entertaining.
March 9th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
Sir D - your latest submissions are fantastic and terrifying! Maybe you will be our forever-returning photo contest champion, like that guy that was on Jeopardy and won so many times that they had to change the show rules
That being said, WE NEED MORE PHOTOS! Send ‘em in people, or puppies will die, metaphorically speaking. Do you want to kill cute adorable puppies? Yeah, I thought not.
March 9th, 2008 at 2:29 pm
w-tf is everyone harshing on the gossip! I love to hear about up and coming movies. You know what? I will add some extra gossip to my blog this week so quit being babies. Dig, you win a coupon for $.25 off your net Gerber First Steps meat sticks.
March 14th, 2008 at 4:34 pm
I like the sound of meat sticks…i imagine they are sumptuous and delightful…like there’s a party in your mouth and every one has diarrhea .
March 14th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
I have just viewed Neils entry for the photo competition….regardless of the fact that his entry should be null and void being that, he is one of the organisers, I also think it should be stricken from the record due to the use of a prop. While everyone else is using inner anguish and emotional turmoil to fuel their expressions (by “everyone” I obviously mean “I”). I demand a Stewarts Enqueery…and a steak sandwich.
March 14th, 2008 at 5:11 pm
Digby - my “entry” is not really an entry at all… think of it as inspiration for those who still refuse to hand over the goods. However, I object to your objection over the use of props. Let us resolve this in the court of public opinion!
March 15th, 2008 at 11:22 am
The public know nothing…they generally disagree with me.
March 15th, 2008 at 11:53 am
Perhaps this issue can be resolved with some sort of “dance-off”. Winner gets all the Steak-Umms they can eat in ten minutes.
March 15th, 2008 at 5:31 pm
Dig, I still plan to send in an entry. I cannot let this one go :o)
Kevin, where’s your entry? Maybe your giant cat wants to send one in!!!
March 16th, 2008 at 5:54 am
If it comes to a dance off, then I will have to unleash the unmentionable fury of The Pink Robot. With my trusty umbrella-ella-ella and bin lid on my head, I will take on, and defeat, all those who foolishly stand in my way.
March 16th, 2008 at 10:49 pm
Umm… I’m in Costa Rica right now, so my access to entries is limited. I do have a nice photo… well, I do have a photo of a mechanic tearing apart a jet engine on the tarmac, which isn’t so disconcerting except 1) it delayed my trip by more than four hours, and 2) they expect you to get on the plane afterward.
Maybe my vision is too blurry at this time of evening, but I think someone threatened to put a Bin Laden on their head. This looks like a job for the Purple Wrangler.
March 17th, 2008 at 6:25 am
What’s this I hear about Sandy the Squirrel vacationing in Danni’s walls? Put. the Swiffer. down. Danni. Show a little more respect for your Texas friends.
I thought the Iron Man trailer looked amusing. I saw a Foo Fighters concert on the telly. The experience isn’t quite the same, but I thoroughly enjoyed it anyway. And I didn’t have to sit through some bunny-eyed opening act.
St. Patrick’s day and my first thoughts go to Borderline. I wonder why that is?
March 17th, 2008 at 9:15 am
Dig, if you dance to that f*cking umbrella song, you’ve already defeated yourself. I have heard magical tales about this pink robot dance with trash can lid and all - but seriously leave Rhianna’s shiteous song out of it. lol
Kev, that sounds miserable. Can you get a massage or something at the airport? I don’t know much about Costa Rica, I’m gonna go ahead and assume it’s much like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qkUGodtoUxo.
“IRON MAN II: IRON MAN AND THE PURPLE WRANGLER ATTEMPT TO DEFEAT THE EVILS OF POOR AIRPLANE MAINTENANCE…AND LIVE!” Tom, okay, now I said Sandy could come and visit but then she brought in Patrick and Spongebob wearing those fish bowls on their heads, and they’re just making too much noise. I meant no offense. :o)
Borderline and St. Patrick’s Day: they go together like Borderline and a holiday focused on drinking.
March 17th, 2008 at 9:37 am
Can I get a massage at the airport? Not to my knowledge. Can I get a massage (and plenty more) in San Jose, Costa Rica? Oh yeah (insert sound clip of Kool-Aid man here). One of my coworkers spent 20 minutes or so telling me the nearby legal establishments where fifty bucks or so can yield some amazing “relaxation”. He also said he would be extremely disappointed if he learned I didn’t take advantage of them during my visit this week. Hmm. I’ve never seen him extremely disappointed before, but by the end of the week I certainly will.
After all, $50 in cat food will feed The Harvey for, I dunno, several weeks.
March 17th, 2008 at 10:05 am
Maybe you’ve never seen the look of disappointment on his face before, but maybe you could find it on the faces of the ladies’ in the local establishments.
Relaxation: $50; cost of Valtrex, $95. Relaxing with Borderline: priceless.
March 17th, 2008 at 11:58 am
(laughing) …exactly. Plus, I’ve been very successful into deluding myself into believing I don’t need to pay for such things. That whole “love” thing is kinda cool too. :^)
March 17th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
I think of it as LLL: love, luck and labor - it ain’t easy. Sometimes (I’ve heard) you just need to get laid. But doing it in a Costa Rican brothel may not be the best move. ;o)
March 17th, 2008 at 12:36 pm
Or any brothel. Hey, wouldn’t that make it four Ls? ;^)
March 17th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
Well…sort of. Sometimes the one L is by itself. ;o)
March 17th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
Which one? Which one?? It’s luck, isn’t it? No… no wait… Liechtenstein! It’s Liechtenstein, isn’t it? You really can’t have the other Ls without Liechtenstein.
At last the path becomes clear.
March 17th, 2008 at 3:39 pm
Whew- good to be back. Few people know this, but I was not in San Francisco….I’ve been in “time out”. Brad P. put me there for apparently letting everyone down with my celebrity gossip. The joke is on him though because I used all of that time to think of ways to become more defiant.
Oh, come on people! We all know there is only one “L” that the world needs… Lynn. Duh! I thought you would have learned that by now, Stewart.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to celebrate my lack of skin pigment with all the other quasi-Irish freaks in the city. Happy St. Patrick’s Day! Whooo-oooooo! Vote for proposition 317! http://www.proposition317.com/
ps- Nice work on the Foo concert Texas Tom! Have you listened to their new album yet?
March 18th, 2008 at 7:38 am
I would have voted, but since I live in Florida I’m sure the delegates wouldn’t have counted anyway.
Congratulations to those who drank themselves to “superdelegate” status for St. Patrick’s Day.
March 18th, 2008 at 10:42 am
Look at all these comments! It’s so nice to be loved. Well, nice to be loved on the comment board and not in Costa Rica, apparently. Kevin, you truly are the Borderline Reporter in the Field. I’d remind your coworker that “relaxation” might be fun, but Herpes lasts forever :0
March 18th, 2008 at 11:16 am
Everyone should bring home a souvenir when they travel. As for me, I’ll opt for the chocolate-covered coffee beans. They cost much less than hiring… erm… “relaxation”… and for most men the experience lasts much longer.
March 18th, 2008 at 11:32 am
Am I the only one getting a little turned on by the message board this week? Kev, think of it this way - just because the governor of NY, Charlie Sheen and your co-worker buy hookers doesn’t make it cool.
March 18th, 2008 at 11:56 am
I’m entirely in agreement. The only hooking I enjoy involves either a fishing pole or a hockey match.
I also see the former governor of New York has finally entered the conversation. Who won the betting pool?
These chocolate-covered coffee beans are awesome. They also are the next best way to shocking your dentist than preceding your visit by eating a box of Oreo cookies.
March 18th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
Oreos are beginning to infiltrate the UK…there is a commercial telling me how i should eat them. I’m not having some jumped up little arian brat telling me how to munch on his third Reich confectioneries. Twist, lick, dunk, eat…too high maintenance. I just put hem in my mouth and masticate…Repeat until box is empty and i have an overwhelming feeling of despondence relating to the unsuccessful act of smothering my emotions with food…and thats the way i like it.
March 19th, 2008 at 12:36 am
People often enjoy taking two Oreo cookies, remove the wafers at the ends of each, then mash together what remains to get a double rush of ooey gooey goodness.
To me, these people are weenies. Buy a box of Double Stuff Oreos. Take the wafers off four of them. Mash these together. Aaaah. Wholesome.
I wonder if, someday, California will spearhead the reuse of forlorn orphaned Oreo wafers by placing recycling bins around major cities. Either that, or they could drop them from planes during wildfire season to provide a light cocoa scent to the air.
March 21st, 2008 at 11:05 pm
Seeing that the Oreo discussion may have killed off the discussion thread (or perhaps it was just me), the Borderline Reporter in the Field files this report.
Dateline: San José, Costa Rica. I depart from the Crowne Plaza hotel to seek holiday weekend festivities. Costa Rica considers Thursday through Sunday to be holidays, so most businesses are closed.
A wrong turn and an ill-chosen route back to the hotel takes me through what the locals confirmed was a bad section of town… and I learned that at least one “business” remained open. Two women emerged. One approached. The dialog unfolded in much this way:
“Hola, handsome!!”
I turn around to look behind me to find out who “handsome” must be, but seeing no one I turn back.
“Howya doon?”
“Um… I’m fine.”
“Choo look like choo lookin’ fo’ somthin’. Whachoo lookin’ fo’?”
“Um… my hotel.”
“I got sumthin’ I think choo would like.”
“Are you saying you have directions to my hotel?”
At this point, the conversation briefly goes nonverbal.
“Um, yes, they look nice. Um… I gotta go.”
I must say, among the beggars, the non-uniformed individual with the nightstick, and the guy who was literally sleeping in a gutter, this particular interaction still seems to stick out.
March 22nd, 2008 at 9:46 am
Lol. Nice work, Kevin. You are like the the Diane Sawyer of Borderline. Apparently she just did a special edition “20/20″ (or similar show) where she interviewed the “Women of the Night”. Next time we are sending you down there with a hidden camera and John Stossel.
March 25th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
Thank you for the kind words, Lynn… though I personally think Diane Sawyer has nicer legs than I.
Since Borderline already has reporters in the field, do you think listeners (and hosts) would be even better served with a Borderline “Sporting Fool”? We could send him or her to faraway places filled with danger and suspense wearing only a crash helmet and a jumpsuit covered with one dollar bills and/or convenience foods. Of course, a camera operator would be necessary to document the mayhem. I volunteer to operate the camera.
March 25th, 2008 at 1:14 pm
LOL. I volunteer Sir Digby to be the crash test dummy.